If NPH pulled this on me...it might have worked.
Do you ever have one of those ‘aha’ moments? Well I just had one.…
Once upon a time I went out with an attractive guy who lived in my neighborhood. We had a great time together but quickly realized we would be nothing more than a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there because this story is going somewhere completely different. I spent a particularly fun night with FWB and a few of his friends. We all went out to a neighborhood bar and ended up having drinks back at his place. I stayed up extra late just chatting with him and his roommate, who I learned was a really cool guy. We went to bed and yada yada yada I woke up the next morning to my FWB kissing me goodbye. He had to go to work but informed me that I was more than welcome to sleep in and leave when I was ready. Sigh, such manners.
About an hour later I awoke to someone poking me in the back. I looked up at a FWB’s naked roommate. He looked down at me and said, ‘we are gonna cuddle’. I laughed and then gasped as he pulled up the covers to get in bed with me. This guy had WAY more on his mind than just cuddling. I was naked so I rolled to the other side of the bed covering myself in as many blankets as possible. I was not letting this guy get his thing anywhere near me! He looked at me strangely & frankly, a little surprised and said, ‘come on it’s okay. I promise. It’s not a big deal. ‘ I was dumbfounded. ‘ I just slept with your roommate!’ was all I could think to exclaim. ‘so, it’s not a big deal’ he replied. ‘It’s going to be good I promise’.
‘Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Is this really happening?’ was running through my brain but all I could do was laugh and say ‘no, I’m sorry. Hahahaha no!’ I had to say it several times before he finally got the clue. What kind of girl did this guy think I was?! He then proceeded to apologize and explain that he didn’t know what came over him. I was in shock. I felt embarrassed, grossed out & dirty. I couldn’t believe that this guy would try something so incredibly ballsy.
Cut to 2012. I’m lounging at home watching some old episodes of ‘How I met Your Mother’ and I realize….he pulled ‘The Naked Man’ on me! On season 4 of the show, a theory is presented that if a man has the opportunity, he should just enter a room naked and the woman might just want to have sex with him. The theory being that most women just can’t resist a naked man. Apparently it’s supposed to work 2/3 times. It’s risky but clearly more often than not, the pay off is worth it.
Well played sir, but I’m proud that I was the 1/3. I wouldn’t have laughed at the episode quite as hard if I had fallen for it.
OK – that guy went way too far, but I have some similar 1st date horror stories that are almost that bad:
#1: Guy makes me this lovely dinner at his place. We have great conversation, everything is going well. He asks me what sign I am, I say “Scorpio”. He says he is too. Then, he takes by the hand and starts to lead me towards his bedroom. “What are you doing?!” I ask. “Well, you are a Scorpio, I’m a Scorpio – we should be great in bed together!” I think NOT!!! End of date.
#2: Against my better judgement I agree to meet my date at his apartment. I get there and he is not dressed yet. He asks me to sit on the sofa which has a clear shot of this full length mirror. My date strips down to his undies and starts doing poses in the mirror. (He was a bodybuilder). I laugh my ass off and leave. End of date.
yowza! you got it twice. What is wrong with these men?
Oh Hell – I have worse first date stories than that – these were just the ones that related to your story. I spent 7 years as a single mommy, the first 6 years I didn’t have a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months. I was the self-titled “Queen of First Dates”. Very frustrating at the time, but I learned a lot about myself and I have some great stories!
Just found your site … I love reading all of this. I do promise, we are not all as horrible as what you have experienced.
My experience with girls is just as horrific.
I once took a girl I was dating a nice, romantic trip to see a concert. Turns out, she booked an apt. for breast implants, went there, got the implants and called me from the clinic saying she needed me to pay for them. She was a keeper!!
I can literally write a book of stores equally as bad as that, but yet I remain optimistic that not every woman secretly dreams of being a barstar.
J
Hahahaha! That’s gotta be one of the craziest I’ve heard. We’re all nuts. Your optimism is a good thing. I try to have hope as well.
Oh my! That’s quite the story! Talk about weird/awkward
NAKED MAN ALWAYS WINS!