Perhaps I'm hotter in the winter (see what I did there)?
When the Insomnia Club decided the topic for July would be “summer fling” I drew a total blank. At 28 years old I realized I have never had a ‘summer fling’. Maybe it’s that my hair behaves better in the winter or perhaps I’m just more attractive in a coat? Regardless, most of my romances have happened in the winter. Romance and fling are technically two different things but I digress. Despite the season, I have had a summer romance-like, whirlwind romance that knocked me flat on my ass.
After spending a year recovering from a roller coaster relationship that left me in shambles, I finally decided to get back out there and really date. I signed up for match.com, my first time for online dating, and mulled around a bit. After a few months I met TX, who I fell madly for. He was exactly the opposite of the man who had broken my heart. Sweet, sensitive, full of compliments and he showered me with affection. After three dates he said he didn’t want to see anybody else. I must admit it felt like things were moving way too quickly but I had never experienced something like this before. ‘Maybe this is it’, I thought. ‘This is just what real love is like and I’ve finally found the one.’ Sigh….how naïve I was.
I couldn’t believe how much we had in common. We had equal values and wanted the same things out of life. He would even jokingly talk about what we would name our kids someday. We enjoyed all that the city has to offer together including the first day of spring in the park. So many of those days felt like magic. He treated me the way I had always wanted to be treated. He made me feel sexy, confident and safe. On top of all that, it was the best sex I had ever had. I was floored. It was as if this man had opened a whole new universe of sexuality for me (I still thank him for that)!
Three months in I noticed that he was getting a bit moody. I brushed it off because I figured that was just him. I mean, hey, he was still talking about us going on a summer vacation together! Then, out of nowhere, he needed space. The same man who had taken the reigns of this love-affair express was now putting on the brakes! It was as if a rug had been pulled out from underneath me. What did I do? What happened? Less than a week later he broke it off altogether and I was heart broken. Even quicker than it had started, it was over and, yet again, I had to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
This ‘winter romance’ in my case, taught me a hell of a lot about dating. We broke every rule in the book and it opened my eyes as to why there were rules in the first place. I had never been the kind of girl who could fall in love like that. In fact, I didn’t think it was even possible. I would roll my eyes at girls who told stories resembling this and here I was, one of the club. Now that enough time has passed I see how silly I was to have allowed myself to dive headfirst into something so new. Sometimes the romance sweeps you so high into the air that you lose sight of yourself.
Nowadays I try to keep my feet planted on the ground when dating. It’s not that I don’t want to fall madly in love. I just don’t want to be so flippant with my heart. I do tend to wear it on my sleeve, but the least I could do is keep it securely fastened to that sleeve!
“Nowadays I try to keep my feet planted on the ground when dating.” <While I admire this in theory, I find it's near impossible to accomplish. At least for me it is. And there are also times I think that a romance is worth experiencing when we can lose ourselves completely in the magic of it all. I mean, we only experience those extreme highs and those devastating lows when matters of the heart are concerned, right? So why not dive in head first and see what comes?
I loved reading this though… reminds me of a few flings I've had over the years… *SIGH* Also there's something to be said of great sex with a guy you feel such a great connection with. That's when you know you've hit the jackpot
I should have emphasized that I TRY to keep my feet on the ground. I don’t always succeed. I tend to bruise easily so I must be careful.
Hope to see you soon girly!
Oh, man. I *hate* that we all know this story. Either because we have a friend who has been through it, or because we still have the scars.
And I don’t hate it because of what it does to us, just as much as I see where you are coming from, Charlotte. Things that feel amazing are worth the risk, and things that are amazing will always end (even, if you’re lucky, that means in death). But. I hate it because I often feel like they end SO BADLY. Someone just… leaving. Disappearing. With little consideration for the trauma caused – and, more often than not, they were the ones with the “reins of the love affair express”!
I have to agree that we need to keep our feet planted on the ground. Getting wrapped up in something amazing means you’re less likely to get to really know someone. That you just decide you know them, when you don’t. And then they’re not who you thought they were, and things feel even more like a sham, or they can suddenly treat you in ways that didn’t seem possible. If you take things more slowly, you learn more. It doesn’t mean you miss out, it just means you’re more careful. Things might last longer as a result.
NikkiB, I totally agree! I have been making an attempt to reign in my excitement in the last year or so. It worked in my last relationship. Things progressed in a much more healthy way. It didn’t work out in the end but the aftermath felt far less dramatic.
Thanks so much for always being so supportive!
Wow, what a great post! I’ve always had my feet firmly on the ground while dating, and while I think it’s smarter, I sort of wish I’d had some of the feelings you experienced here. The being swept off your feet and caught up in the romance. I just don’t want the sadness at the end.
Great blog – just found it via the Insomniac Club. Look forward to reading more!
Thanks so much Catherine! I can’t wait to read yours as well.
I love this club. So supportive and all about sharing the love.
I say screw the “keep my feet planted!” Throw caution to the wind! Fall madly, and deeply and you will have no regrets! And the one’s that can’t handle it will be filtered out sooner than later. Never apologize for your capacity to love. It’s a beautiful thing.
Haha I’ve had a few flings just like this myself. And I agree you have to keep that heart securely fastened to that sleeve
BUT, that doesn’t mean don’t take chances on a relationship like this, because who knows, next time he might turn out to be the one.
When a relationship like this happens, as long as it doesn’t end on a bad note (like he cheated on me or something), I’m always thankful that it happened in the first place.
Lennie Ross
http://lennierosswrites.com
Ahhh, the summer romance.
You know, there is some story of a man being captured by natives and being stuck in a pot of water over the fire to be cooked or dinner. He is granted a possible reprieve – the village chief has a very large bag of marbles. Inside the bag are 1000 white marbles and 1 black marble. The chief tells him to reach inside the bag and grab one marble and then to guess what color it is. If he is right, his life will be spared. The man reaches in, grabs a marble and says, “My marble is WHITE.” He opens up his hand and inside is the black marble. So they cook him and eat him.
Moral of the story: A bad outcome does not mean you made a bad decision.
Now, I understand why you wouldn’t want to plunge headfirst like that again… but maybe that is what you needed at the time, too. And had he been more….hmm… well, more stand-up and perhaps more self-aware, it could have made a wonderful, romantic story. I suppose what I’m saying is that I would not rule out the possibility of meeting someone who amazes you from day one and about whom you’re quite convinced you could race off, raising dust and leaving cracks in the earth at your footsteps…. by day 3.
Of course, what the hell do I know?
-R.
p.s. I dig your blog.
Really interesting but although being the first is definitely not enough, this talk almost sounded like a plea to be the third in all that you do