Eaten by wild dogs?? Ugh, no, you just got 'the fade'.
This month’s topic for the Insomniac Club is “The Fade”
Definition: is when you slowly stop hanging out, calling, emailing, and text messaging, a friend or more specifically a lover, with the intent of never speaking to them again. If you attempt the “Fade Out” after 2 months of dating be prepared for retaliation.
There can be many reasons why someone would pull the ever so popular ‘Fade’. It has become a standard break up technique used all too often by my generation of daters. Common causes of the fade could be that they met someone else, weren’t that into you or perhaps they weren’t ready for the kind of commitment you are looking for. I would prefer to think that the only thing keeping a man from me is him being eaten by wild dogs but the reality is I’m just not always going to be every man’s cup of tea.
More often than not I think the fade happens because the other person doesn’t want to deal with telling you they aren’t interested anymore. I think it’s a pretty lazy and careless thing to do to be honest. It falls under that idea of ‘if I ignore it then it’s not there’ which is one of my ultimate pet peeves. Early on in a relationship I think that the fade is totally acceptable because who wants to have a break up conversation with someone they’ve been out with 2-3 times? However, if you have been seeing the person long enough, it’s much smarter and more mature to just tell the person rather than disappear into thin air.
Men seem to particularly utilize the fade because they don’t want to deal with the ‘drama’ of letting a girl down. We get it guys, you don’t like to see us cry but grow a pair and be honest. Sure, I’m sensitive sometimes but I’d much prefer to hear it and deal with the emotions involved than be left wondering. Besides, the last time I actually let a man see me cry I was more emotional about having to start all over again than I was about that particular guy.
I’m the kind of person who calls someone out when they try and pull the fade. I’ve sent a message before that said, ‘hey, where the hell did you go?’ Not that it matters all that much but sometimes I can’t help myself. I certainly don’t blow anybody up but sometimes it feels kind of awesome to call someone out on their douchiness (yes, I’m officially making that a word).
I don’t practice the ‘fade’, it’s not my style. Lord knows I hate hurting people’s feelings but there are far more ways to let someone down than this. Besides, I’ve had my fair share of disappearing men and am a firm believer in the golden rule of treating people the way I would like to be treated. Call me old fashioned.
Read what the other members of the Insomnia Club are saying:
Ah, the ‘Fade Out’ – that old chestnut!
I’ve been faded out of a mans life many times, not sure why, but it’s like ‘Jesus, come on man, it would be a lot easier for us both if you just ended it all together, rather than slowly stringing this out over a long period of time’.
I end up sitting around waiting for a text or a call, while he’s sitting around waiting for his new girlfriend to finish cooking his dinner!
ugh, I hope these horses asses don’t have women cooking for them!
This post is right on time. It reminded me of how lame that whole exchange (or non-exchange) is, and how much of a cop out it is to fade.
What irritates me more than the fade out…are the one’s who don’t stay faded once they’re gone. The ones who randomly pop back up just to see how you’re doing. It’s like, what are you coming back for? You wanted out, so stay out! (Is this what you’d call the “Fade In”? Lol.)
And, am I now a jerk if I ignore their calls/messages? I guess I could be direct and say, “Don’t reach out to me, as I have no intentions of ever responding.” But then I would have just responded, so…
I have totally experienced this as well. There was a post on the Urbandater not long ago about it. http://theurbandater.com/dating-relationships/are-you-dating-the-disappearing-man-aka-the-pinger.php
Thanks for the link! That’s exactly how I see it.
The sad part about calling someone on their shit is it doesn’t change anything. It’s over they just didn’t have the courage to give you a sense of closure.
oxo
JFB
“We get it guys, you don’t like to see us cry but grow a pair and be honest.” That is the best line ever and so true. Plus, not every woman cries because of a break up. And some of us save it for when we get home and are totally alone.
yeah, I recently got dumped, not a long relationship but I was really surprised it was ending. Turns out he thought I was ‘amazing & practically perfect’ but met someone else more perfect. I felt the tears starting to rise so I wished him well and said the quickest goodbye ever so that he wouldn’t see me be sad. lol. There’s nothing like crying on the streets of NY alone.
Like you, I’d rather call someone out on their BS than just wait for them to pull a disappearing trick on me.
I’m not a fan of the fade. I think it’s different if it’s a mutual thing i.e both of you know that what you have is not something that’s gonna go beyond a few weeks
I’m linking to your post in my write-up of the fade, so hope you drop by once it’s posted
I just experienced this for the first time about a week ago. it totally sucks, but your post helped me to realize it’s not my fault. thank you
I’m so glad that I could be of help! It is definitely not your fault. Unfortunately it seems to be becoming more and more common.
Good for you for calling out the Faders! I don’t have those kinds of cojones. I usually just accept the fade and try to pretend that it never happened because I’m embarrassed to have been Faded at all. But I must say, in the grand scheme of douchetoolery, the Fade is probably the lesser of many many many many evils…