Creeper

May 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Hi, I'm the creeper.

And they say romance is dead. I rarely check online dating messages these days. I’m sort of on a break. I also try not to share too much of what guys send because I think it’s a little bitchy but I think this guy might deserve it. No dear sir, I will NOT help you cheat on your girlfriend. CREEPER!

 

Hey there,

I think you’re cute, and I’m wondering if you might be interested in a nsa type relationship with somebody who is attached (my gf would not know about it)? I’m moving to NY, and looking for somebody to have some fun with. I have some pics if you want to see a few. Let me know if that’s something you could be open to, or if that’s not your sort of thing.

Hope to hear back soon.

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M.I.A.

April 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. Luckily I have a good excuse! I recently started a fabulous new job and have been working much longer hours. So far, it’s totally worth it but unfortunately my blog has had to take a back seat.

Stay tuned for more news from the folks over at Sparkology! I’ve had this post in the works for a long time just gotta find time to finish it!

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The Naked Man

February 13, 2012 By 7 Comments

If NPH pulled this on me...it might have worked.

Do you ever have one of those ‘aha’ moments? Well I just had one.…

Once upon a time I went out with an attractive guy who lived in my neighborhood. We had a great time together but quickly realized we would be nothing more than a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there because this story is going somewhere completely different. I spent a particularly fun night with FWB and a few of his friends. We all went out to a neighborhood bar and ended up having drinks back at his place. I stayed up extra late just chatting with him and his roommate, who I learned was a really cool guy. We went to bed and yada yada yada I woke up the next morning to my FWB kissing me goodbye. He had to go to work but informed me that I was more than welcome to sleep in and leave when I was ready. Sigh, such manners.

About an hour later I awoke to someone poking me in the back. I looked up at a FWB’s naked roommate. He looked down at me and said, ‘we are gonna cuddle’. I laughed and then gasped as he pulled up the covers to get in bed with me. This guy had WAY more on his mind than just cuddling. I was naked so I rolled to the other side of the bed covering myself in as many blankets as possible. I was not letting this guy get his thing anywhere near me! He looked at me strangely & frankly, a little surprised and said, ‘come on it’s okay. I promise. It’s not a big deal. ‘ I was dumbfounded. ‘ I just slept with your roommate!’ was all I could think to exclaim. ‘so, it’s not a big deal’ he replied. ‘It’s going to be good I promise’.

‘Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Is this really happening?’ was running through my brain but all I could do was laugh and say ‘no, I’m sorry. Hahahaha no!’ I had to say it several times before he finally got the clue. What kind of girl did this guy think I was?! He then proceeded to apologize and explain that he didn’t know what came over him. I was in shock. I felt embarrassed, grossed out & dirty. I couldn’t believe that this guy would try something so incredibly ballsy.

Cut to 2012. I’m lounging at home watching some old episodes of ‘How I met Your Mother’ and I realize….he pulled ‘The Naked Man’ on me! On season 4 of the show, a theory is presented that if a man has the opportunity, he should just enter a room naked and the woman might just want to have sex with him. The theory being that most women just can’t resist a naked man. Apparently it’s supposed to work 2/3 times. It’s risky but clearly more often than not, the pay off is worth it.

Well played sir, but I’m proud that I was the 1/3. I wouldn’t have laughed at the episode quite as hard if I had fallen for it.

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A Bridget Jones ‘Singleton’ Moment

February 1, 2012 By 7 Comments

Oh Bridget, such an adorable disaster.

Every Christmas I take a little trip back to the west coast for some quality time with my friends & fam. This year’s visit proved to be pretty interesting. Not only was I given a lot of flack about why I’m ‘Still in New York’ but I was also given some insight into what it’s like to be one of the very few singletons in subtopia. It turns out, if you’re single, everybody you know tries to set you up with the ONE other single person they know.

There I was, dressed to the nines with my new Viva Glam red lipstick & 4-inch Michael Kors heels (that I actually survived in for a whole 5 hours!) I was mingling with old friends, holiday cocktail in hand and feeling more fabulous than usual. It was Christmas time, my wonderful mother was my date & incredible people surrounded me.

Upon arrival I had been introduced to a certain young gentleman and it soon became very clear that everyone had an agenda for the two of us. It became blatantly obvious when my friend’s adorable mother brought the two of us together and started explaining how much the two of us had in common. It was embarrassing and utterly precious at the same time. I was very pleased that she would think of me but wondered why she seemed so persistent. I was laughing with a group of friends about the situation saying, ‘what, am I the only single girl she knows? hahahaha’ and then it hit me like an angry Chris Brown….I AM the only single girl she knows. Okay, maybe not the only one she knows but I was certainly the only one at the party.

I truly felt like Bridget Jones sitting all alone at a table full of singletons explaining that single people are completely covered in scales. Now of course I was fine, I survived the night and I didn’t have a silly emotional breakdown or anything. But it really sank in. This is how it would be if I did move back to suburbia. The cheese would be standing alone. I’m not saying that that would be a bad thing. But, could I handle it? I suppose I don’t really have a conclusion here….I’ll have to explore this further.

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Wetter is Better: Single Ladies Love Lube Too

January 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

It's always a good timeI’m not afraid to admit it; I’m a total pussy when it comes to writing this blog. I rarely step completely out of my comfort zone and talk about more exciting topics like sex positions, orgasms or what really sends me over the moon in the bedroom. I may be anonymous but my mom stops by from time to time and I’ve basically been being a chicken shit.  Maybe 2012 is the year I will be growing a pair!  Well, stop reading mom because I’m putting my big girl pants on and DOING IT. Today’s post is about Astroglide.

My first experience with personal lubricants was probably at the age of 20 or 21. I don’t even think I knew that some people used it because they NEEDED it. I thought it was just about having fun! Well it turns out I was ahead of the game. Not only can Astroglide make sex better but it also adds more dimensions to your intimate play.  You can use it during foreplay or go Jersey Shore style and try it out in the hot tub!

Do it in the hot tub, dirty jersey style!

What makes Astroglide even more of a hot commodity for single ladies is that we can also use it when we are having our own ‘special’ playtime. That’s right, I said it. I’m admitting I own and use sex toys. If you don’t own the Rabbit or some version of it then I suggest you run out and get one RIGHT NOW! Every woman should experience that at least once in her life.  Any sex toy expert will tell you that you should lube your toy up before putting it to use.  It’s a good idea to keep some Astroglide in your nightstand to aid in your magical Rabbit experiences.

Why choose Astroglide over other brands? Astroglide is a leading brand recommended by Doctors: not just OB/GYNS but other specialty practices. There are many different kinds to choose from. Some are specifically geared for women. Astroglide Natural is made with botanical ingredients like Aloe, Chamomile Flower extract as well as Vitamins E & C.  Astroglide X Premium Silicone is great for water & extended play and is made with ingredients found to act as skin conditioners. Astroglide Original feels

As a special offer for all you single ladies out there, Astroglide is giving away FREE samples!

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Rants from an Eccentric Friend.

January 26, 2012 By 1 Comment

She sure is funny

A girlfriend of mine has been going through a bit of a rough time, just like I have. Her daily facebook epilogues brighten my day so I couldn’t help but share one. She cracks me up !

Advice for the day:

If your sad: Watch rainbow bright and order a Tamagatchi on eBay. Throwing that little beeping keychain out the window will give you more pleasure than watching Sawyer on Lost.

If your lonely: Adopt a cat and name it after a fictional mystery book character. Train it to crap in the toilet and brag to all your friends that just had babies that your kitty is more civilized then their child.

If your angry: Remember you could have bed bugs and throwing out your furniture would really suck. If your anxious: Find a friend that just had oral surgery and get a muscle relaxer. Then treat yourself to some yogurt for lunch.

If you hate NY: Be thankful your not living in Iowa….or LA. If you feel fat: Eat a slice of pizza. You might as well enjoy feeling fat for three minutes. If this doesn’t work, date someone less attractive than you.

If your feet hurt: Stop wearing heels. You look stupid walking in them anyway. If we were meant to walk on stilts than God would have gave us the option to reproduce with Flamingos.

If you want a relationship: Fucking approach someone and stop waiting for your dream person to show up at your door with a box of waffles and a bonsai tree. If this doesnt work, show up at someones door with waffles and a bonsai tree.

If your frustrated about money: a) stop buying water bottles. B) go on a date with a wealthy 75 year old and remind yourself how gross it would be to sleep with them. C) find a job you love and you won’t mind being broke as much D) Sell your eggs. You can get $8,000 a pop for one of those bad boys…

If you get frustrated by politics: Shut up and be thankful your’e not living in North Korea and are forced to cry when your leader dies.

If you think you look like crap today: You probably do. Paste a picture of Biggie Smalls right next to your mirror. You will feel hotter than Megan Fox when people gave a crap about her.

If you hate the MTA: Play the ” whose the hottest homeless man on the train” game. Out loud. With strangers.

If you want to Cry: Cry. Then give yourself a high five for being able to create a salty sprinkler on your face for all the unhappy bacteria to play in. Lo Loves You

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Sparkology; Nothing sparky about it.

January 23, 2012 By 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of 'Elite Dating'

Hello friends. Remember my dear friend Ava Fontaine? Well, she’s back in action! She’s got some great new ideas up her sleeve and this is just the start. Enjoy!

Among the multitude of choices of online dating services available to chose from, some of the newer ones like Ivy Date or Date Harvard, are using exclusivity as there hook. One similar to this is Sparkology.  Their “luxury dating experience” approach that “caters to young and successful professionals” sounds elitist and exclusive at first glance.  After I huffed and puffed a little thinking this was a ridiculously snobby approach to dating, I reminded myself that this format is actually more similar to the way in which most people chose which bar or restaurant they are going to in real life.  Some tatted up hipster in New York who is in the mood for some metal and PBR is absolutely not going to go check out some yuppy martini lounge in the Flat Iron District.  And most likely vice versa! So why not cut off a few steps from the elimination process in virtual dating, before it even begins.  I see no harm in this.

Within the criteria that they mark as important they include quality, interaction dynamics, and social discovery to deliver a powerful value proposition to our refined user base. They really make dating sound fun, don’t you think?  The dense description goes on to say that all of their refined men are “verified grads of top universities.”  This is where the problem for me lies.  I consider myself a refined, cultured individual and although I didn’t graduate from an Ivy league school, I am intelligent enough to know that the college, that I or my potential suitors went to, or really any college attended does not make the man.  There are plenty of incredibly successful men and women that didn’t even really go to college.  Two words. Steve Jobs.
Another part of the site that made my head tilt in a quizzical way, is the part about their initial questionnaire which includes questions that create  “Behavioral algorithms that know you better than you know yourself.”  Although this is the 21st century, the idea that an algorithm formulated from a dating website knows me better than I know myself, seems to be a little far fetched.  Our world might be morphing into a science-fiction like canvas, but this doesn’t mean that we have reached the point of computerized chemistry.  I don’t think the algorithm can tell me who I want to shag or not shag and just because two people went to the same fancy university and fall into the same tax bracket does NOT mean that they are sexually compatible or compatible PERIOD!I guess in my summation, people who are that concerned by the superficialities of something as insignificant as to where someone went to college and are interested in narrowing down their chances of love to their alma mater, aren’t going to be into me anyway.  And most definitely vice versa! So it’s probably best that I stick to the online dating for the masses and stay away from this site.
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Motivation for 2012: New Year’s Resolution #1. Tip the dating scales in your favor!

January 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

2012 is officially in full swing and I don’t know about you but I need a little motivation to stick with these resolutions! Now, normally I’m very against the whole idea of losing weight because it’s going to help your dating life. I think it should really be all about doing it for YOU. However, it’s a new year and I know there are a lot of ladies out there trying to shed the pounds and I have a feeling that men might be a big motivation.

Mandarin Cheese Crepes with Strawberries

The Fresh Diet is an approach I’ve been following with curiosity for some time now. The Fresh Diet is America’s premiere diet delivery service, delivering fresh, healthy, calorie controlled meals right to your doorstep! I know some fellow bloggers who have tried this and loved it. They make it very easy for us busy, city gals with refined palates to lose weight and get healthy. Each day The Fresh Diet delivers 3 meals and 2 snacks that are healthy, calorie-controlled and balanced. If you follow the diet correctly you can lose up to 10 lbs. per month. What is so appealing to me is that they give you so many options. In the past I have been turned off by the idea of having to eat meals that don’t appeal to me. The Fresh Diet gives you 4 choices for each meal plus 6 choices for 2 sides and 2 snacks each day! That’s a lot of variety that this foodie appreciates. The food is all made daily in local kitchens, it’s almost like having your own personal chef.

Sometimes life is much too hectic to have to figure out something healthy to cook for every meal.  It’s easy for us to stray from our dieting goals because it’s just so much easier to stop at Taco Bell or Chick-fil-A on the way

Grilled Mahi Mahi Ceasar Salad with a delicious Ceasar Dressing

home. Well, The Fresh Diet is JUST as convenient AND It’s healthy! You can take your meals to work, a friend’s house or eat them on your comfy sofa. I’m looking forward to trying as many of these delicious dishes as possible! Another major benefit is that you don’t have to deny yourself anything. You can have dessert without the guilt! So if you’re always on the go or if you’d just rather spend your time socializing than worrying about menu planning, this is the perfect plan to fit your lifestyle!

Good news friends! The Fresh Diet is extending a special offer to some of us single ladies. If you start today it’s only $29.99 per day plus you get 3 free days! The promo code is: singlejan3. Good luck!

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2011 Year in Review

December 30, 2011 By 3 Comments

Au revoir 2011

Thanks to Hilarity in Shoes for sharing this questionnaire. It was a nice little exercise. Please copy/paste for yourself! If you do post this on your own blog, link to your entry in the comments here and we will all be best friends. If you don’t have a blog, you can answer in the comments section.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

I spent some time in the Midwest. I’m a west coast gal living on the east coast. I’ve visited many countries and states but 2011 was the first time I actually set foot in the Midwest. I apologize if I offend anyone…..I wasn’t a fan. It was by no means miserable but three months was more than enough time for me to spend there.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I’m pretty sure my resolution was to take less taxi cabs. In my opinion, I succeeded at this. I’m sure I still take WAY too many but I’ve certainly taken less. I LIKE CABS — LEAVE ME ALONE!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

YES! A ton of my friends from back home are popping em out like crazy. One of my closest girl friends had a little, baby boy right at the beginning of 2011. He’s going to be one already and I adore him. I only got to see him three times this year but it was a total blast. He even slimed me with his pacifier once and then cracked up about it. It was too cute.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully it was a death free year for me. I’ve lost many close relatives in past years & I am very grateful that this year was death free.

5. What countries did you visit?

This question is a bit depressing. I have been so poor in recent years that I haven’t been able to travel for pleasure much. Most of my mula is spent on visiting my family & friends back in California. I’m crossing my fingers that 2012 is the year of dinero!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Le sigh. 2011 was a year of ups and downs. I recently sat down with some close girlfriends and decided what I would like more of in my life. The list is as follows

1. I need to make more money. No more taking jobs because they seem like a great opportunity. I need to be making ADULT money now. Sure, I want to enjoy my job but I need to start taking myself seriously and asking for the money one actually needs to survive in the big apple.

2. I want to commit to more physical activity. I certainly haven’t been a total lazy ass all year but I used to be mildly athletic. Not athletic looking exactly, but I could play sports and not look like a fool. I’ve decided I want to do this again. I’ve started alternating gym trips with running and this spring I will lly be playing on a softball team! Yay!

3. Finally, I would love to be in a healthy, adult relationship. It’s been a while since I called someone ‘boyfriend’. I’m ready for something serious again. I’m not willing to just jump into any relationship just because I’m lonely but I would love to meet someone who is on the same page as I am. This is far easier said than done of course. All I can do is put myself out there and hope that I meet someone I like, who likes me and is READY to be in a relationship. Must it all be so complicated?

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The spring of 2011 will always be a fond moment in time for me. I was fortunate enough to return to the stage! Theater will always be my passion and I had the time of my life. In a perfect world it would be the fabulous job I had that also paid the bills but unfortunately this is a pretty difficult thing to make happen. Can I make money? yes. Good money, no.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I think my biggest achievement was keeping two jobs at once. Not only was I performing 8 shows a week but I also kept a 35 hour a week day job. It was crazy but totally worth it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure would certainly have to be my latest career decisions. I left a pretty incredible job for something that seemed like an amazing opportunity. Sure, it paid a lot less but I would be loving every minute of it! Not so much. Not only was the job far less glamorous than expected but I seriously underestimated how poor I would be. I guess we all learn from our mistakes. In the future I will be doing a lot more research before taking a job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing too serious but I think I might have a food allergy of some sort. The problem is I like food way too much to find out what it is. If a doctor told me I couldn’t eat Gluten, for example, I would probably just have to put myself out of my misery. No beer?!! Might as well be dead.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

As you’ve read, I have had a serious lack of funds. I suppose my favorite little purchase would be a Living Social weekend trip. I had buyers remorse at first but it was the perfect little getaway and I had a great time.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, cabs and living expenses. Basically I like to ‘go out’ WAY too much. If I sat down & figured out how much money I spend going out to eat & drink with friends, I would probably have a heart attack. I’m the kind of person who wants to really enjoy life. In my opinion that doesn’t include staying in 6 nights a week to save up for a giant flat screen. I have a feeling a significant other would really help me with this problem….

13. What did you get really excited about?

Performing in front of a live audience again.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Without a doubt it would be ‘Party Rock Anthem’ by LMFAO. I’m sure I’m not alone here. I’m not saying it was my FAVORITE song but damn that song gets stuck in your head!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder?  About the same. The last two years have had many ups & downs. I’m convinced 2012 must be a positive year!
Thinner or fatter? Fatter…wa waaaaaa
Richer or poorer? Poorer but I’m going to change that!

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Kept in contact with some of my west coast friends. Apparently they have felt a bit neglected. :( My bad.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I love booze. However, I don’t need to be so damn social all of the time. I have “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” syndrome. I don’t like to miss things.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

This Christmas was all about the family. The older I get the more I realize what a family girl I am. They’re all crazy but I love em. Besides, sane people are boring. :p

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Breaking Bad. I was late on this one but made up for lost time. I started season one and by the end of the month I’d finished season four. That show is AWESOME!

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Little Bee by Chris Cleave- A serious tear jerker

My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me by Hilary Winston- That bitch is FUNNY

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I’m sure this is completely cliche but Adele killed it for me this year.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

This is usually the most difficult question for me. I’m a movie buff so it’s usually very difficult to just pick a few. Also, there are some major films of 2011 that I haven’t seen yet due to holiday madness. I think ‘The Help’ has been my favorite so far. I know, I know, I’m such a chick! I can’t help it. The kid in me also thoroughly enjoyed ‘Super 8′.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Turned the big 2-9 this year. It was a tough one. I suppose I have a lot of accomplishments to cram into this last year of my 20s. I had two small nights of celebration. One consisted of one of the most amazing meals I’ve ever had & the other was full of friends, drinks & karaoke. I’m a lucky girl to have a pretty awesome group of friends in my life.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I suppose more money or more love? Not exactly sure. I don’t think I like this question.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Skinny jeans & sweaters or dresses with tights. I’m a little bit of preppy & a little bit comfortable. I’m making a serious attempt to dress more ‘adult’ this year. I enjoy my flip flops & converse way too much.

26. What kept you sane?

My mother, my roomy & his man as well as other positive people who love me.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

I’m constantly learning or relearning life lessons. Here are a few I need to remember:

-Not everyone has to like you

-Work on the things you CAN control

-Be nice to yourself

-People are mean….get over it.

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Overcrowded Relationship

December 16, 2011 By 5 Comments

Photo courtesy of thefireflyjar.wordpress.com

I am known for being a pretty liberal chick with an open mind. However, a new type of relationship has been brought to my attention and I’m stumped. A friend recently introduced me to the idea of the ‘Throuple”. A throuple is defined as a relationship consisting of  three partners. Perhaps this is not a new concept for you, but it certainly was for me.  I’ve heard of open relationships and polyamorous life styles but never a, ‘Throuple’.

My friend continued to explain how this relationship came to be. Apparently two of these gentlemen have been together for almost ten years. They were legally married a few years ago and not long after they began a relationship with another man. Here’s where I get confused. How does this happen? Are these men bored with the relationship and this is their way of ‘spicing things up’? I’m certainly not trying to be judgmental, I just can’t understand how in the world it would work!

They say ‘three’s a crowd’ for a reason. In my experience when you are constantly in a group of three, someone is always odd man out. Wouldn’t this tend to apply in a throuple situation? Wouldn’t this ‘extra’ guy sort of be getting the short end of the stick? (no pun intended) Furthermore, we are finally breaking ground with marriage equality and situations like this certainly aren’t going to help the cause. Here are some other silly little reasons a Throuple would be a pain in the ass.

  • It’s more difficult to get a table for three people rather than a table for two
  • It’s bad enough you have to deal with one persons set of neurosis but now two?!
  • Sharing a bed with two people would not make for a fun night.
  • Double the Christmas presents, double the anniversary presents….this shit would add up quick!
  • You can’t all ride together on theme park rides.
  • There would be WAY too many hands in the popcorn bowl
  • You can’t slow dance together without looking like a Junior High gym
  • Kissing would always be a little messy & awkward

 

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